Day 3: Nasal Violation by a Group of Strangers

Dear Diary:

Day 3 of 21 days of prisoner of quarantine hell mandatory quarantine in Hong Kong.

There have been moments of boredom and horrific discoveries as I’m navigating myself in this strange world of hotel quarantine living.

I have gained not only insight but a new phobia on how dirty hotel rooms actually are.

In this unusual world, patrons are subjected to 9 ~~nasal violations~~ PCR tests upon setting foot in this unusual land:

At Airport:
Day 1 on arrival

Hotel:
Day 3
Day 5
Day 9
Day 12
Day 16
Day 19 (2x)

At a ~~Nasopharynx Violating~~ Community Testing Center:
Day 24

Groups of people sent by the Department of Health will come to your quarantine room, in outfits that look like low budget, homemade kids’ costumes. They’ll force you to give up your identity before violating your nose and throat with a giant Q-tip.

I am convinced these people switch up their costumes so you don’t recognise them.

The “hazmat” suits come in 3 trendy colours:

1. Blue/Yellow/Green – resembling surgical gowns but made by coloured plastic bags with holes hastily cut out for the head and arms. The ensemble includes a sometimes-matching cafeteria style hairnet, disposable surgical gloves, the latest N95 surgical mask, and a plastic visor like those ones middle-age asian women wear when they’re driving to avoid getting wrinkles and sun spots, but the vizor itself is transparent.

These people will give you a test not based on your knowledge, but based on what’s inside your body. If you fail this test then you get to be taken away to a place called ~~Guantanamo~~ Penny’s Bay.

Today is Day 3, our first Covid swab test at the hotel.

We were told that “they” the people with the weird childrens’ costumes (from the Department of Health) would come anytime of the day and to be prepared for them when they knock or else.

Any time of the day?

So do I sleep or not? Do I poop? Do I shower? What if I miss them and get arrested?!?!?! Sounds outrageous but definitely a legit fear as the government have taken extreme measures with “Zero Covid” to keep their citizens safe. There will be no delinquents here in this land!

Being in quarantine or having Covid has the same stigma as if you have become a sex offender, you need to register yourself everywhere as having had just quarantined/Covidl and people are afraid of you.

I was on edge all friggin’ day

The Swab Gang came at 11:30am with this big HEPA filter resembling a bit like an elephant-like alien. It was nerve wracking as we didn’t know what to expect and what to prepare.

Turns out, they’re much more demanding than a diva in concert. First we had to prepare a chair situated right at the door that had to face outward. A garbage can/bag that had to be placed exactly on the ground by your right foot. We needed to have our HKID cards ready. A box of tissue in the vicinity, ready to be used.

During the swab test you had to be like a sous chef in Gordan Ramsay’s cooking line, you had to be right there with items in hand before they even tell you or risk them yelling at you for being tardy and unprepared. I told them to be gentle because it was my first time. I guess that’s a no for Gordan Ramsay and the Swab Gang.

Sigh.